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Welcome to my lair.

8/11/10 by TailsPrower
Updated 6/25/11

I'm redoing my NG life story because the previous version was ass.

Just so we're straight on this, I'm not a Tailsfag anymore. In fact, I don't even mind if you call me out on it because I honestly couldn't give less of a shit. I keep this username to remind myself of what I was like when I was younger and due to the fact that it's what everyone back at the C&C section have come to know me as. Yeah, call me a sentimentalist, you're still a faggot. Now that that's out of the way, let's get on with the story.

When I was around maybe 8 or 9, my cousin introduced me to Newgrounds by showing me some video game parodies, mostly sprite movies. At the time, I thought this was the shit, because NG really had it all: immature jokes, mature jokes, violence, sexual references that I didn't get, and so much other mind numbing shit that I don' care to remember. Seriously, Mario pilot a jet and shooting at Sonic who retaliates by flipping him off? Brilliant. Anyways, that's how my NG life started, I remember how I'd spend time at a friend's house and just watch flash movies, mostly parodies like Harry Potter/DBZ, Pokemon, Powerpuff Girls, DBZ, and 9/11. Although there were some original materials that I also enjoyed like Pico's School and Eskimo Bob - yeah, remember that shit? Good times.

Side note: fucking bugs flying on my arms and legs... fucking itching... fucking summer... fucking heat... fucking sticky ballsack... fucking EVERYTHING.

Anyways, I continued to frequent the site as a visitor until I finally decided to show my support for NG (happy now, pox?) by creating my own account under the alias you see before you. Back then I was a tremendous Tailsfag because I thought he was the most kawaii thing evar and I was a borderline furry as well. Also, I was extremely easy to troll - merely insulting a sonic character, much less myself, would result in massive butthurt from yours truly. That was all just a phase though... it eventually passed, thank heavens.

This part deserves its own paragraph because fagit. Later that year, I stumbled upon the NGPD which was still in the midst of its inception. I hopped on aboard, seeing as I had the credentials, and became a regular in that crew. As the years passed, I grew a pair and chilled the fuck out, and now I fuck the internet daily. Yes, I do enjoy my AIDS thankyouverymuch. I pretty much grew up on Newgrounds, I wouldn't be the person I am today without this cock-infested pocket of the internet.

........

You're still here? Piss off you wanker.

Here, have a gay fuel vending machine that I found on counterstrike.

P.S. Go fuck yourself

Love,
Tails

Welcome to my lair.


Comments

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RagnarokiaRagnarokia

6/30/11

If only Tails was a pony.

6/30/11 TailsPrower responds:

Ask and ye shall receive:

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr _ll27vuy9Nn1qf7gzvo1_500.jpg


PlatypusPlatypus

6/24/11

I may sound like a total idiot, but do you actually have aids?

6/25/11 TailsPrower responds:

Not at all, my boy. Otherwise I'd probably be out having a life.


PridePride

6/12/11

yEAH IT wAS ACTUALLY ACTIVE TODAy (for realz)!! It started sending me pms asking me to show it MAH WEINER, I said no at first.....but it was very persuasive :'C

6/12/11 TailsPrower responds:

I don't remember sending that PM...

OH SHI-


PridePride

6/12/11

Oh my gawd, the Ngpd has become alive and created an account! http://ngpd.newgrounds.com/

Wat should we do Mista Tails? I'm scared D:

6/12/11 TailsPrower responds:

WTFWTWAWFWTF ITS FROM 06?!?!?


JollyJolly

6/12/11

I miss the old pic. ;(

6/12/11 TailsPrower responds:

would you rather have one of a gay fuel vending machine?


KogeyKogey

5/25/11

WHERES MY WIFE?!

5/26/11 TailsPrower responds:

have you checked your penis?


HULK666HULK666

4/21/11

dos tom know abt the fuzz and this lol

5/24/11 TailsPrower responds:

Probably.


Sooo tempted to post Lucky Star hentai games here...

4/9/11 TailsPrower responds:

*le gasp!*
you wouldn't DARE...


PridePride

3/7/11

Hmm Tails...... I think it's time you made a "new" newspost. I know that you and this "newspost" had some good times together, but you need to move on...cause we're all worried about you D: (this newpost has been dead for two months now, YOUR COMMITING NECROPHILIA TAILS!).

R.I.P Tails' old newpost

P.S. I already did Fuck myself, so HA! >:D

6/5/11 TailsPrower responds:

It took me almost 2 months to respond to this.

No.


When can I get that kiss, my boy?

3/7/11 TailsPrower responds:

now typically I would've responded with a stupid meme reference. However for you I'll do something extra special.

*smooch*
now gtfo.


plz don't kick me out I'z just mad. D:

3/2/11 TailsPrower responds:

I heard that angry masturbation sessions are unusually satisfying.
.
.
.
.
.
Actually I lied. I never heard of such a thing. But hell, why not give it a shot?


>I do tend to say very cockish things from time to time :)
>tend to say very cockish things
>cockish things
>cockish

FUCK YOU TAILS THAT IS A SHITTY JOKE.

YOU HAVE NO CLUE HOW MAD I AM AT YOU FOR MAKING IT. SON OF A BITCH AND I USED TO RESPECT YOUR HUMOR.

FUCK.

2/24/11 TailsPrower responds:

ummm....

*reaches for the red button*


PridePride

2/20/11

Hey Captain Tails I was reading your post and preparing a witty remark, when suddenly I noticed "Disregard I suck Cock" lmao. Did somebody hack your account in the past or something. Or have you just been at the cock ; )

2/20/11 TailsPrower responds:

Haha don't worry I wasn't hacked, but the situation behind it is kinda funny. You see, at the time I posted this the Newgrounds Dept. of Defense (NGDD) was down and inactive. So when the NGDD went back online with their "reboot", I went ahead and made that wee little "addition" to my news post along with linking it to their thread. I do tend to say very cockish things from time to time :)


Spartan204Spartan204

2/16/11

Makes me wanna write my own little bio as a news post. Too bad here we in Land of Fin no literacy, though. ):

2/21/11 TailsPrower responds:

what's a book? o_0


Your new news post is gone. I take it that means the situation has been rectified?

Good. I'll be having my Lizz back now. :P

2/11/11 TailsPrower responds:

Dude.... so much.... SO MUCH.

Be forewarned, you might want to wash Liz for a few hours, maybe a few days, once he's back.


TycraneTycrane

1/22/11

Tails. Why are you so yellow? :(

1/24/11 TailsPrower responds:

if I told you, I'd have to kill you.


JollyJolly

1/18/11

Are*


JollyJolly

12/26/10

The two comments above mine our absolutely the worst comments ever.

12/27/10 TailsPrower responds:

i concur.


u actally PLAY couner-trike???GEEZ counter-strike??? ill give u a tip..counterstrie SUX go play Halo instead...


I see what you did there.


88 Miles Prower!


AJAJ

10/13/10

I miss yous guys and our late night chats about funny youtube videos, random philosophies, and discussing the fate of teh TRANSGRESSEEERZ! Haha.


EmmDubyaEmmDubya

9/25/10

Sorry, make that half a minute.

9/25/10 TailsPrower responds:

NO D:


EmmDubyaEmmDubya

9/25/10

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view /549173 - official flash of the NGPD, for the ten minutes before it gets blammed.

9/25/10 TailsPrower responds:

YES :D


Your history on Newgrounds is very similar to mine. I loved the video game parodies, and Madness was one thing I couldn't get enough of.
Of course, my time on Newgrounds has been much different.

9/21/10 TailsPrower responds:

The NG experience differs variably between any two individuals; thus by extension no two are exactly the same. But for the user that dares to examine, the aforementioned experience is a journey that takes you to new grounds.


C-cock joke?

9/18/10 TailsPrower responds:

:O

:O
:O


DomoDomo

8/24/10

Nice that you organized a blog post for this.

8/24/10 TailsPrower responds:

blog rhymes with log. You callin me a homosexual?

AASDFGHAERGHDFHHSZSDGAHETHTRJMBYJ SYJHDFAASDSDFSFD


EmmDubyaEmmDubya

8/23/10

Ooh, links.

8/24/10 TailsPrower responds:

gets em everytime ;)


<3 ZE on CS:S

8/15/10 TailsPrower responds:

quick, into the barricades! Hurry up or you'll get infected with teh zombie AIDS!!! D:


2040hand2040hand

8/11/10

fucking magnets! how do they work!?!!

8/11/10 TailsPrower responds:

Jesus Christ.


Magnet-BoyMagnet-Boy

8/11/10

No with a huge futa penis.

8/11/10 TailsPrower responds:

haha okay :D


Magnet-BoyMagnet-Boy

8/11/10

hey tails. imma rape your tailhole now kay?

8/11/10 TailsPrower responds:

with a magnet?